I really don’t post on this blog that often anymore, If you want to find me and keep up with what is my life, you can find me on Facebook: Β πŸ™‚ I find it a little upsetting to constantly talk about my issues, and find it much more helpful with my physical and mental issues to think less and find solutions to problems quicker in my life, even when things seem impossible. My meds have helped make this change in my need to be in a constant upset state possible, so I’m making progress! Of course I will probably stop by and have a rant here and there, but not anything regularly, because things are going really great, and I find people aren’t really interested in reading about happy people lol! So Yes, I’m still a mother, friend, I love and I suffer from Fibromyalgia, but I’m headed to the better side of life, and I FUCKING DESERVE IT! Yep, that’s right!

ImageI danced at a wedding in March – Man what a difference a few years makes!

Yeah, I’m cute LOL and I’ve gained a ton of weight, so F-U if you don’t like it!

I’m not sure why I cant find it in myself to write to this blog more than once a month but it seems that’s all I can muster these days.Β  Is it the incredible amount of free time keeping me from my thoughts? Maybe, but I like to think that everything’s perfect and there’s a reason I wait till I have a little something of substance before I share my feelings.

I’ve had such a longing feeling of nostalgia lately, I’m missing everything from days past, my “young” children, my life before FM, my “old” friends, my youth. Why? I’m not really sure, is it a “midlife” thing? I don’t know. I’ve learned not to question why so much as why not. Why not long for things that have passed, it doesn’t really do any good, but somehow its soothing so I’m gonna roll with it. Am I making any sense? LOL Probably not and that’s okay too!

I’ve been adding old High School friends to my face book and I have to tell you, its bitter-sweet. The closest friend I ever had in my life thinks I’m a dumb ass,Β  shes the closest I’ve ever come to having a sister but we lost touch, and argued over silly shit 10 years ago, my old boyfriends are all ex-druggies, alcoholics, or just plain losers. (exactly why they’re ex’s) but whats bothering me is that 25 years changes everything and nothing at all.

Were all taller, fatter, smarter, and more opinionated, but inside were still the same kids that are insecure, silly, wanting, and brave. This is sounding more and more like a mid-life issue as i type this LOL. Seriously though, I wouldn’t want to go back to those days in the 80’s, they were sure fun, but I wasn’t equipped to deal with the things I did back then, unwanted pregnancies, binge drinking, pot smoking, etc etc. It’s a freaking miracle I made it out alive actually.

What is a relief to me though is that my kids now 21-19-17 don’t do any of that crap I did when I was a teenager, they actually have high self-esteem, and they want good things for themselves and they have goals, which is more than I had or did, so in that respect, Ive been a good parent, even though I didn’t have much good example of how to do that.

I guess that its the time that’s passed that’s bothering me, my kids are almost grown, going to college, working, driving, being young adults. Another chapter of my life is about to start soon and its a little strange to be honest. No more babies, no more school days, softball or baseball games, gymnastics, swimming, and all the things that used to occupy my life.

Also, now that I have FM/CFS and I’m not working, I have entirely too much freaking time on my hands to over think my life, worry about the future, and dwell on the past. I guess this blog entry will serve as my lesson to live in the PRESENT. We only have today, and tomorrow is not promised to any of us, so did I enjoy today? Not particularly, but I made it the best day I could, and that’s all I can ask of myself.

So the lesson of today is to live in the moment, its easier said than done, but I’m gonna give it a heck of a try, and ya know what? Life is good. πŸ™‚

Hi folks πŸ™‚ Its been a while since my last post, I had issue with Word Press Mobile for Blackberry but I finally have it figured out! I see that my stats are up, so I should let you know whats goin’ on with me!Β  First the family, John has been promoted with his company back to the corporate side (he was once a Gulf Coast Regional Field Trainer), as the GC Regional Loss Prevention Supervisor, so he wont be in a store anymore but at corporate headquarters at the local distribution center. No more weekends, or holidays, and no more funky pay structure but a regular salary! Hes excited to learn a new aspect of his business, and its great for his resume, as every company has a loss prevention position! This morning I took him to the airport, hes headed to Fresno, Ca for a week for a changeover. Ill miss him but will enjoy some peace and quiet and the whole bed to myself!

Brittanie is working at Wal-Mart, she doesn’t really like it but her Cadillac needs a major repair and she saving to get it fixed. Her and Parker are still dating and seem happy. Hayleigh is managing at Papa Johns and is dating Jason, her 30 yr old boyfriend, hes a good guy. C.J. is ready to get his license but hes never gonna pass his driving test if I don’t get him out on the road! John, Hayleigh, and C.J. all have birthdays in the same week at the end of October, John will be 44, Hayleigh will be 19, and C.J. will be 17, and I am feeling old! LOL

As for me, Ive been doing relatively well. I’m still taking LDN for my Fibromyalgia, but have been having crazy hip pain. Apparently I have bursitis and tendinitis in my hips, and its very painful! UGH So Ive been doing the max dose of Aleve and ice packs on my upper butt πŸ™‚Β  So Ive had some frozen butt cheeks, but better numb than excruciating pain. The next step is cortisone shots in my joints with a 12 inch needle, sounds fun right? NO!

My doggies are doing well, Molly Sue, Taco, and Jojo, they keep me moving and running after them! Since John started his new position with O’Reilly, I had to stop doing daycare for his co-worker, its a conflict of interest, so I’m sittin’ home trying to get by, pacing myself, dealing with my pain the best ways I can. How bout that Harvest Moon lastΒ  night? Its supposed to be getting down into the upper 60’s at night here soon and mid 80’s during the days… NICE! ….and Life Is Good! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

I cant believe its been 7 years since I created this video! πŸ™‚

I’ve been through a hell of a lot in my life, divorced parents at age 5, alcoholic father, chronically ill mother, I lived with grandparents, uncles and aunts, father and step mother, etc. I lived my teenage years in a poor neighborhood with my mother, got into sex, (had 3 abortions) drugs, and abusive boyfriends at age 15, no parental guidance, got pregnant (had my first child) at 21, unmarried, my husband (and father of 2 of my children) is an ex drug user, I had an affair at age 26 which resulted in a child, (this part deleted due to privacy issues) so I haven’t lived any kind of fairytale life. Then I’m cruisin’ along, happy, good job, new car, great kids, husband I actually think is gonna make it for the long haul and BAM… Seizures, migraines, myoclonus, hysterectomy, FIBROMYALGIA/CFS, life fuckin’ sucks for the most part ya know? Could I be diagnosed with PTSD… Probably? My mom is dx’d with it. I personally (and this is my opinion) think its a crutch diagnosis. If you saw war, a murder, something truly traumatic, I believe in that meriting a dx. I don’t however think its a diagnosis for people who have had crappy lives. I think its a cop out. I’m not asking anyone to agree with me, or judge me, as I don’t judge you. I just think when a person is ready to be happy, you’ll find a way to do that, and if you aren’t… You wont. Wow. (That was some good venting)

Posted by Patty Rowe with WordPress for BlackBerry.