(written lying in bed)

It seems as though the cobwebs in my mind are forming in the corners of my unused gray matter. I have Fibromyalgia, or as the new research shows it should be renamed Central Sensitization. I have all over chronic pain that has lasted over a year now, cognitive disabilities, (problem with word recall, no ability to multi-task) short term memory loss, inability to keep short lists in my head, etc. Its hell. Its especially hard for someone who has always multi-tasked, and been damn good at it! I’m a techno geek, use the latest Blackberry, reformat computers, change computer hardware, ya know, tecky fun junk like that. Now, I can’t remember passwords, I have them all saved in my password keeper on the Blackberry, if I lose the phone, I’m phucked! I just reformated my Gateway PC, and needed my teenage sons help, talk about a stick in the side. When my pain is up, my memory is down…and vice versa. This is the hardest part of my physical ailment. I’m tough, I had 4 children using the Lamaze method, without drugs, and my son weighed 9lbs 2ozs, so I dare anyone to call me a pain whimp! Turns out I’m great at enduring short term pain, not long lasting pain. Some research shows that sleep disorders may cause CS (Central Sensitization), so ive had the sleep study, YES, I have Central Sleep Apnea, I have a $4000 C-flex machine with a full face mask, and I use it faithfully. Do I notice that it helps the Fibro? Not really, but there is no cure for CS, not yet. Man oh man though, have the drug companies come out with some “FDA approved” drugs for Fibro (CS), Cymbalta: causes severe constipation, weight gain, raised pulse, excessive sweating, and unusual (not pleasant) body odor. Wooo, doesn’t that sound fun?? Oh wait but it gets better, because then there’s Lyrica: causes blurry vision, a “stoned or euphoric” feeling, headaches, weight gain, and WEIGHT GAIN! Yes, I listed weight gain twice, I’ve gained 30 pounds since I started taking it. So, as you can see the drugs are as bad, no, I think almost worse than the disease. Have they helped you may ask, yes, they have. I’m not in the fetal position begging for death like I was most of last year, I am able to get out of bed, but I still hurt. I hurt, and the cobwebs in my mind persist now so I must end this blog entry, thanks for the read, thanks a lot. Even though I hurt, and can’t pay attention very well anymore, life is good. 🙂